HOUSE RULES FOR THE LIVING AND THE DEAD
27.06.15 - 31.03.16
text by: Ella Plevin
House Rules for the Living and the Dead
– The respect from host to ghost:
The host must be hospitable to the ghost and provide him/her/it/they/ne/ve/ey/ze/xe with food and drink and a bath, if required. It is not polite to ask questions until the ghost has stated possible needs. Ghosts don’t like jokes.
– The respect from ghost to host:
The ghost must be courteous to the host and not be a burden. Hosts should not be referred to as meatsliders, Gladstones of Rot or dirty juice pochettes. Ghosts should not ration the oxygen, whisper about a host’s atomic percentages or leave trace ectoplasm on the couch.
Séances are on a strictly first-passed first-served basis. Unfortunately all spirits have now been placed. Thank you for expressing your interest and your understanding. If you would like to be placed on our purgatorial list, as I’m sure you are aware, demand is excessively frightened.
For additional information, please sterilize consecrated soil in an industrial kiln before sifting it through a gauze screen onto blanched canvas in a careful pentagram arrangement.
Checkout is at half past demon.